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  • Writer's pictureJolie Reine

Family Ties

Having grown up in a family with a single mother who dated a man for most of my life and adopting his family as my own and then adding a few other family members along the way by way of tragedy; the word family doesn't ever mean blood relative if you ask me. My step dad will always and forever be my father and my blood father accepted that as long as I can remember so yeah I grew up having 2 fathers and a bomb ass mother. I think the way I grew up is what allows me to know that family doesn't really have a certain look to it. Its all about what you want to have and what makes all parties feel good. Functioning families are whatever we make them. As I got older I realized that broken females grow up attaching themselves to men, in the name of love and/or family (or the idea of love or family that they have conjured up in their minds). I also realized that its not just broken females but broken men as well, who attach themselves to females that mean them no good in the name of love and family. Why is this?

We get to freely choose who or what constitutes as family without any healthy education to support those decisions. We sometimes turn chaos into what we deem to be family functioning because someone told us or our past showed us that that idea is what family is supposed to be. We accept madness as what love should be and we should accept that treatment from family because they are our family. Well I have news for you...dysfunction is not acceptable especially when it comes to family. Because my life (not to brag but to brag a bit) and my family is what I deem to be pretty BOMB, I often find it hard to relate when people accept hurtful behaviors from people they call family in the name of family. Giving respect, being nice, being considerate, showing love, and keeping your moral compass in tact is something that I will teach my son are all family traits that not only he should uphold but also traits that he should only accept or tolerate from anyone else that he considers to be family. I want him to understand that anyone who says 'i love you' should show it and also make him feel that love no matter their mood. It took me to be a grown up with my own family to master the art of not accepting what I deemed to be unacceptable behavior from people I called my family and I want my son to learn it at an early age so his energy can stay consistently amazing. Also, as an adult I am now only around picture perfect family examples. Now don't get me wrong I am sure they are not without their own flaws but they are definitely happy, functioning, and what I aspire to have when it comes to my own family. Being around the great families that I am around allows me to see family in a different light...a light that I want people to see in me and my son to aspire to. Often time we are too scared to embrace positivity and productivity because deep down we don't think we deserve it. Well baby let me tell you: I deserve it and I refuse to settle for anything less until I get it! Periodt!

Family can look like: Mom, Dad, Kid, and Dog or Mom, Stepdad, and Kid (from mom) or Dad, Stepmom, Kid (from dad), or any rendition of fa blended family that you want to have as long as it is what you want and it makes you genuinely happy. Don't get caught up in what you see in others or what you see on television. Get caught up in how you feel when you wake up in the morning and your house is asleep, get caught up in family outings for no reason, get caught up in what the family holiday routine will look and feel like, get caught up in staying and maintaing your happy, and get caught up in how your family and your home is your safe-space from the outside world of chaos. You only get one life so you might as well be happy in it! Happiness starts in the heart and in the home!

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